I’d like to congratulate the lawyers who prosecute, and the judges who sentence them, for the “choices” that they’ve made that put them at the top and my clients at the bottom. . . . and, for that matter, anyone else who is smugly self-righteous about his lot in life.
Not all of these will apply to all of you; take those that do.
Congratulations for choosing to be born white. I know that was a tough decision for you, as was choosing not to be born destitute.
Congratulations for not being exposed to too much lead in your childhood.
Congratulations for choosing one or more nurturing parents who didn’t abuse you or neglect you.
Congratulations also for choosing not to be bipolar, psychotic, or otherwise mentally ill. . . or addicted to illegal drugs. Good choice.
Congratulations for choosing not to suffer a traumatic brain injury.
Keep up the good work. I know you’ll get what you deserve.