Coming Soon: Retard Kolaches

I hate to say, “that’s just not funny.” Even aside from the Feminist Law Profs ownership of that particular intellectual property (and you do not want to tangle with the FLPs), I figure it’s better to respect the dark humor in a situation than to pretend it doesn’t exist. But c’mon now, Psycho Donuts: “A padded cell, a ‘nutcase’ art display“? Straitjackets for the kiddos? “Bipolar” donuts? “Massive Head Trauma” donuts?


How about these new business ideas (free to anyone who can get an SBA loan)?:

  • Cripple Chili Dogs, where all the sandwiches are broken in amusing ways.
  • Boozehound Smoothies, with drinks like the “Mad Dog”, the “Sterno”, and the “DTs”.
  • PTSD Croissants, where video screens play entertaining loops of actual violent crimes and gun battles from Vietnam to Afghanistan over a soundtrack of screeching brakes and IEDs.

Or (my personal favorite):

  • The Knocked-Up Teenager Bakery, where a barefoot high school dropout will serve your bread on a wrapper printed to look like GEDs.

0 responses to “Coming Soon: Retard Kolaches”

  1. The Knocked-Up Teenager Bakery: are you eligible for an SBA loan if your mother was a RWNJ candidate for vice president?

  2. Okay, I’ll run with it. If I were writing the book, the KUTB would be a bakery attached to a halfway house for young, formerly homeless, expectant mothers who would work as wait- and bake-staff. The place would be scrupulously clean, of course.

    Their ads would read: “Here at the Knocked Up Teenager Bakery, we’ve always got a bun in the oven.”

    I ran into Rodentman (not his real name) at the gun store today. He gave me his business card. Rman lost a leg in a motorcyle accident, some years ago, and his business card reads: “Dismemberment has its privileges.”

    • No, but it’s fascinating that that is how your brain works.

      There’s no statutory rape involved in impregnating a teenager unless one of the parties is at least three years older than the other (in TX, YMMV etc.).

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