2015.84: Dear Gary Ostrow (updated)

Dear Gary,

I had forgotten, to tell you the truth, that I’d written this little bagatelle about your ridiculous Gary Ostrow Lawyer Announces He Is Taking on All Celebrity Criminal Cases in Florida press release. It’d been a couple years, and it wasn’t a big deal at the time. It attracted a few comments then slipped my mind.

Then I got a phone call today from some guy calling himself Patrick Zarrelli. He claimed to be doing reputation management on your behalf. He said something about cocaine—I can’t be sure whether he was talking about himself or about you.

Anyway, this Patrick Zarrelli guy threatened to file a grievance against me if I didn’t take the post down.

I tried to explain to Zarrelli that I’m a First Amendment lawyer and that I’ve been unsuccessfully grieved and sued for the content of this blog. He didn’t seem to catch the gist; he kept threatening, acting like he thought he knew the law. There was some mumbo-jumbo about it not being “hot news,” so that I had to take it down. Apparently he has lawyers in his family, so he’s an expert. I know: crazy, right? (Do you think it was the cocaine talking?) [Update 10/30: Patrick assures me that he doesn’t do cocaine, so he must have been talking about the cocaine in connection with you. How do you feel about that, Gary?]

I don’t play well with extortionists, so I told Zarrelli to go ahead and file his grievance. I may have dropped an f-bomb or two—Gary, don’t you hate it when people threaten to do stupid things instead of just doing them? I know I do.

Anyway, Gary, I thought you’d like to know that some stupid asshole calling himself Patrick Zarrelli is going around trying to fuck up your reputation while claiming to be your agent. Despite the judgment errors in your past (which are legion—we all make mistakes), I doubt that you are dumb enough to hire this Zarrelli character to try to push me around.

Are you, Gary?

Anyway, you might want to get ahead of this one, since if Zarrelli makes the same call to Scott Greenfield, all hell is likely to break loose.



p.s. Can you cook?

11 responses to “2015.84: Dear Gary Ostrow (updated)”

  1. I love the line ” I don’t play well with extortionists”. That made me laugh out loud.

    Dumb people do dumb things.


  2. We called you honestly and professionally about our client. We work in cyber bullying, a real field, that’s important. You instantly began to swear at me, after admitting that you and Greenfield are friends who support each others blogs for SEO purposes. In this case to SEO under my clients name for advertising. Then when I told you why I called, and you realized you had exposed yourself and Greenfield in possible unethical advertising practices you freaked. Based on this article I cant tell your still angry and its clouding your judgment.

    There is nothing honest or ethical about this article or your advertising techniques. Now you say im on cocaine because I dare call you on the phone politely? That’s really dishonest my friend. Im sorry your so angry, but what you are doing here is dark, unethical, and not benefiting of a lawyer or the bar you licensed under.

    All it is, is text book, cyber bullying. Posted for no other purpose except to hurt others, and encourage your friends, and fellow unethical marketers, to join in on the personal attack of an honest person.

    • Actually Gary, I am very involved in cyber-bullying awareness and it has nothing to do with a grown adult butt-hurt over what is written about him/her on the internet. It is a term that revolves around things children and teens do and say to each other using electronic technology. Pictures can often be deceiving but you appear to be a grown man. Maybe its time for YOU to grow up?

  3. All of the grammar mistakes are hurting my brain.

    Errant commas
    Missing commas
    Missing possessive apostrophes
    Missing apostrophes for contractions

    Like driving, there needs to be a mandatory competency test before you can get issued our own personal keyboard.

  4. Are you sure you’re a professional?

    Engaging in website commentary doesn’t seem very professional to me. Especially if you’re concerned about the content of a post. Maybe a politely worded directly addressed email or physical letter?

    Especially if you’re trying to get something taken down..

    and, as Pierson commented, “grammar”

  5. “If Zarrelli makes the same call to Scott Greenfield, all hell is likely to break loose”

    Too late. And Greenfield is selling popcorn.

  6. How do I get into the lucrative field of cyber bullying? It’s real and it’s important. I think I could bring some real assets to the table, because cyber bullying requires a lot of technical know-how. Ever tried to steal someone’s lunch money over ICQ? It’s not easy.

  7. “Patricks” response was hilarious and very naive. . It appears “Patrick” has never actually been in a business before, because grown men and women speak very frankly in a professional environment. There are no “swear jars” and “anti-bullying pledges” in a court room or when making a deal.

    Mark’s response to such a stupid phone call seems rather tame. It’s not uncommon for an attorney of his experience to tell you he is going to destroy you and own your first born child in perpetuity just for wasting his time with such nonsense. Just My Two Cents.

  8. I resent and repudiate any individual or organization who makes these character attacks on Gary Ostrow.

    I have known Gary since were 11 when he saved my life from a playground bully which he obliterated.

    Gary is very passionate about how he defends people. He is thorough and second to none when it comes to criminal defense. I made referrals which Gary resolved totally.

    Gary has, does and will continue to get exclusive referrals from always. I always will continue to defend him against anyone and everyone who tries to destroy him in any way!

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